Well You Can’t Fault That Logic. Oh, Wait…

I’ve encountered a lot of idiots on OKCupid.  Some guys can’t spell, some can’t put together thoughts, and some have zero common sense.  If I’m responding to you only in short, succinct sentences, with no new questions, it does not mean that I’m hoping that I’m sitting at home chewing on my fingernails and hoping you’ll ask me to go on a date.  For one thing, I’m a adult.  I don’t need to wait for you to ask me.  Bot mostly, those kinds of responses mean that I’m trying to end the conversation before I have to find a polite way to say, “you might be the most boring person on the planet”.  There isn’t one.  I’ve tried.  But one guy out there might win the award for the most illogical bunch of hot nonsense I’ve ever read. 

I’m not even going to touch the grammar and spelling in here.  It’s a mess.

CaptainLogicPants: Hi… From one nerd to another
My sisters boyfriend is from Seattle so I can feel how much it means to you… I got him a Ken griffey Jr statue.

If you can have one power from any superhero… What would it be?

CaptainLogicPants: Seattle needs a superhero

(Okay, this is a weird way to start.  I’m not “from” Seattle, but I lived there for a few years, which I mention in my profile.  But how does he FEEL how much it means? Despite the oddness, I responded anyway.  Or maybe because of the oddness.  I’m a glutton for punishment, I guess).

Me: They sort of had one for awhile, and then he got arrested. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phoenix_Jones

Flight, hands down. I could visit friends easily, and do all the traveling I can’t afford. You?

CaptainLogicPants: I would like to multiply myself so I can help others and learn new information lol

Would you like to ask a question

(Once again, I am a human adult.  If I want to ask a question, I will.  I don’t need permission.)

Me: What is the opposite of a tree?

CaptainLogicPants: I would say a piece of steel because a tree breathes air and it can be a home of animals. Steel does not look friendly and it has no emotions. It can create a home (chain company) but it does not have the same feeling as a home (local). I prefer the beauty of the item… Not the advance equipment
I would say that a tree is like a human… Thus the book “the giving tree”

(Science is hard, guys.  Trees don’t breathe.  Steel doesn’t have emotions, but…neither do trees.  At least, not ones that aren’t in Fern Gully.)

CaptainLogicPants:Good question….

If you make any celebrity laugh, who would it be and what would be the series of jokes?

Me: I understood about have (half.  I know, I spell things wrong sometimes, too.  I’m not perfect.  Hard to believe, right?) of that answer. Chain company? Advance equipment?

Why exactly am I trying to make a celebrity laugh? I generally like to make people laugh, but I rarely tell “jokes”. Anecdotes, sure, and I’ll make funny comments, but I’m not a “set up and deliver a joke” person.

(It’s at this point that I start to think this guy might be a higher level of crazy than I’d anticipated.  Why the hell am I trying to get a celebrity to laugh?  Why am I planning to do so in advance?  So I looked through his questions, and found out that he had some odd answers.  So I called him out.)

Me: More importantly…how could you possibly think that they earth is bigger than the sun???

CaptainLogicPants: Well…. I am a fan of the local town and local restaurants. I feel that the tree is the hometown experience.
I would say the earth is bigger by how many people live or living things. However, sun is so large a million Earths could fit inside.


Me: You can’t just make up answers to factual questions based on a system of logic you’ve created and which no one else follows.

CaptainLogicPants: When you have a chance…. Read this article…http://www.universetoday.com/65583/is-the-earth-bigger-than-the-sun/

(I did.  It’s not an article.  It’s a blog post about how, based on science, the sun is larger than the earth.  WOW, article, I have NO IDEA!  It’s almost like I learned that in, what, first grade?  Is there another post about how water is wet, and how circles are round?  Gosh I hope so.  There are some mysteries of the world that I still haven’t explored.)

CaptainLogicPants:What 90s show best explains your personal.

(At this point, I realize that he’s not really responding to my skepticism, which I see as my cue to basically be a jerk.)

Me: See, I don’t need to read someone’s blog article to explain to me why the sun is larger. It’s a scientific fact. And that article, if you can call it that, doesn’t containing any new or even particularly interesting information. Are you really not sure that humans and apes share ancestors, or do you have some equally weird response to that which does not relate to evolution?

CaptainLogicPants: I believe that we evole and will keep on evoluting. However I do not believe that we came from apes….we grow as each generation grows and learns from their mistakes or past mistakes. We as a society need to learn and move on.

(Society might be learning, but I have my doubts about this guy.)

CaptainLogicPants: I think we evolute from your minds and from there were get stronger by observing others.

CaptainLogicPants: So I have a question….
Do you believe that we have the freedom and democracy to live our lives to the fullest?
Or do you think there is a better way?

(At this point, I go into argument mode, and wikipedia gets involved.  Unfortunately, it’s like having an argument with a hamster, because the responses rarely have anything to do with what I say.  Takes a lot of the fun out of it.)

Me: Okay, first of all, “evolute” is not a thing. Technically, it exists as a term in advanced forms of geometry, but I’m pretty sure you didn’t mean it to be anything to do with loci of curvature. Learning from mistakes has nothing to do with biological evolution. Sure, our technology advances with generations, and the pool of knowledge that we can dip into grows, but that doesn’t necessarily mean we learn from past mistakes (we tend to learn more from individual mistakes than the mistakes of others, especially in history. We still build nuclear weapons despite knowing that damage they can do). If we didn’t physically evolve from other animals, where were we when all of that big bang stuff was happening? You seem to be conflating individual development with the development of our species, and how an individual’s mind changes and grows has almost nothing to do with evolution (other than that human’s capacity to develop mentally because said evolution has happened).

That said, what exactly does living our lives to the fullest mean? I imagine it’s different for everyone. If I was a white man? Probably, assuming that “life to the fullest” doesn’t include murder or grand theft auto. But the more minority statuses you throw in there, the less likely that would be, I’d guess. I’m pretty sure if I were a black quadriplegic lesbian, the freedoms would dwindle down quite a bit.

CaptainLogicPants: Interesting…. I believe that people are not equal or seen as equal
We as a society need to see through the barriers and escape.
As a person…. I treat people equal no matter who they are… Since I have been bulled for 15 years, I understand how it feels to be misjudged or misunderstood.
Everyone has the right to speak and to be acknowledge… No matter of the past actions.

(Okay, let me get something straight here.  I enjoy me some hippie-style optimism, especially in a world full of cynical folks like me.  But at some point, there needs to be a dose of reality.  Of course people aren’t seen as equal.  But saying that we “need to escape” doesn’t do anything.  It doesn’t give use a direction to go in.  Also, I don’t really understand what past actions have to do with this discussions.  If someone’s past action was killing babies, I give you permission to judge them harshly.  If someone steals your car, and then asks to babysit your kids, you’d be stupid to let them. There are some areas where we can forgive and maybe forget, but it really depends on context.)

CaptainLogicPants: Your turn to ask a question


Shortly after this, he asked me to hang out or get coffee, and I pretended not to notice.  If he gets to ignore large aspects of reality, so can I, right?  Later, he asked again, and I told him I thought he might be on the crazy side.  He didn’t really like that.  I had to make a choice between being nice, and being honest. I guess honest is just more in my nature.



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