The Return of OKCupid Misadventures

More weird OKCupid adventures.  I know you missed them, like a lot.  So this guys lives in Pakistan, and we have a 48% match rating.  I’m not sure why he messaged me, and my confusion will make sense as you read this.

 

Pakdude: Hi I am Anwar may I ask you something?

(I really wanted to say, “you already did”, but I was trying to be nice, at least at the beginning.)

Me: You can ask. I might choose not to answer.

Pakdude: Hahahaha and why is that you will choose to answer am I that much bad to not answer me?

(Normally, this would end here, because he can’t construct a sentence, but again, it’s not his first language, so I’m trying to cut him some slack here.)

Me: It really depends on the question. If you ask for my social security number, I’m not going to answer.

Pakdude: Do you like gym stones? What is in your neck you wear is that Emerald?

(I…what?  If I’m wearing a necklace in one of my photos, there’s no way that someone could tell.)

Me: I don’t think gym stones are a thing.

(At this point, it’s clear that this guy has nothing interesting to say, so I switch into “messing with people” mode.)

Pakdude: Lol so what is gym stones actually?

(Does he not remember what he writes?  Maybe he spends all day messaging hundreds of foreign ladies?)

Me: Nothing – you said it. I think you meant gemstones? Either way, it’s a bit odd to ask. Also, you realize I live in the US, right?

Pakdude: Hahaha ya exactly that gemstone I don’t care where you live.

Pakdude: I am happy in my country and I have a very good job and lots of money I have no interest where you live in us or uk I didn’t ask anything like that from you

Pakdude I just like you and want to chat with you that’s all

(No, but it’s pretty reasonable for most people to not want to date or make friends across the world.  But clearly I’m being closed-minded.)

Me: Well, most people prefer to make friends that they can realistically hang out with, like ones who live…in their state. Or at least their country. Unless you are legit looking for a penpal.

Pakdude: Lol I never think to leave my country actually if someone like me I will prefer to invite her here not me I have everything here thanks GOD for that

(So…he’s expecting me to leave my country to hang with this guy?  Because his charm has swept me off my feet?)

Pakdude: What is your name? Would you like to be my friend I swear I have no interest in you just want a good friend

(But he messaged me without reading my profile – that’s clear later.  Do other people look for “friends” by searching through pictures?  Well, that girl has to eyes and lives thousands of miles away, so I bet we’d get along, right?)

Me: I…don’t really need a friend across the world

Pakdude: Oky thank you. There is no distance now a days I think so. The world is now global village

(Frankly, I responded to him at all because, if he turned out to be interesting, it’s nice to have friends all over the place to talk to, even if it’s just to write letters.  But this is one of the most painfully boring conversations I’ve ever taken part in.  It would more interesting to watch a televised congressional vote, or to read the instruction manual for a toaster. )

Me: Perhaps. I don’t see that we have a whole lot in common, though, so I’m not sure what we would talk about.

Pakdude: Many topics as I mentioned in my profile I am just like encyclopedia ask me anything and I will give you a Good answer

(Again, he didn’t read mine, so he has no idea what to talk about.  I’m shocked.)

Me: I don’t need a human encyclopedia. That’s what wikipedia is for. I don’t talk to people to find out factual information about things.

(Maybe I’m going about dating the wrong way.  Maybe I should be looking for someone who knows facts that I don’t, so that if the internet ever breaks down, and all of the world’s books are magically wiped clean, I’ll have access to information.)

Pakdude: Hahhahaaaa then what the fuck you want to be discussed

(Okay, I don’t mind swearing generally, but something about it here rubs me the wrong way, like it’s directed right at me.  Also, does this guy have no idea what humans talk about with other humans?)

Me: Not facts. I don’t need to meet people here to tell me about the periodic table or how fast the heartbeat of a dolphin is. I can look those things up pretty much anywhere. It’s funny how you want me to go to your profile to figure out what it is that you want to talk about, but are too lazy to look at mine to figure out what might interest me. This is a waste of time for both of us.

(How has he not figured out that I’m not interested???)

Pakdude: Hahaaaa I know sweetheart I don’t believe in profiles it is depend on your mode at the time everything in your profile is not true I think that’s why I ask you here

(So…now I’m also a liar.  And he did one of my pet peeves.)

Pakdude: How did you write that a normal person can’t write that much ufffff

My profile’s on the long side, but it’s not unmanageably long, and no one has ever complained about it before.  A normal person can’t write…10 paragraphs?  How did you get out of high school?  Or…middle school, or whatever the equivalent is in Pakistan.)

Me: Please don’t call me, or other women you don’t know, sweetheart. Well, I’m not a normal person. I’m more awesome than those “normal” people who can’t be bothered to actually fill out a profile.

(Come, on, dude, you just told me I wasn’t normal.  And called me sweetheart.  I’m not going to be psyched about that.)

Pakdude: Who says that you are more awesome actually you are in self conscious which is very bad stage in life I was once victim of this

(Dude, you messaged me.  I didn’t start this nonsense! So, yeah, at this point, I’m just annoyed that I’ve spend this much time talking to this idiot.)

Me: Self consciousness isn’t a stage of life, but a quality. It’s pretty condescending to tell someone about how they’re not normal, in a “bad stage of life”. I don’t care if you have money and think you’re hot stuff. I can write what I want in my profile, and if you don’t like it, you shouldn’t message me. Find someone in your own country to harass, please.

Am I nuts?  Does anyone have half a clue what this person is talking about? Also, this guy is younger than me, and is telling me about how he went through these stages and now has sage advice about them?

The “most private thing he’s willing to admit” is: “I am viewing profiles private answer of others who admitted in their profile lol”.  What?  I understand, if you’re in the US, and English is not your first language, you might say things like this.  But he’s not.  And clearly he barely speaks English.  My French would be just as bad.  Which is my my profile isn’t in French.

 

Also, his answers to some of the OKC questions:

Would you consider dating someone who has vocalized a strong negative bias toward a certain race of people?

It depends on which race.

No.

 

Do you think homosexuality is a sin?

An image of angelpk Yes

An image of DorkataurJ No

 

Do you enjoy intense intellectual conversations?

An image of angelpk Yes

An image of DorkataurJ Yes

My answer here shows up red, which means that he deems that response “not acceptable”.  He wants to have intellectual conversations…but not with his significant other.  Good stuff.

 

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1 Comment

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One response to “The Return of OKCupid Misadventures

  1. Steve

    This was boring

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