Does This Count as Trolling?

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So, here’s a larger version of the picture I use as the main one for my OKC pictures.  It’s a bit old, but I don’t think noticeably so.  I haven’t gained or lost much weight since it was taken.  I switch hairstyles every now and then, but I have different hair in most of my profile pictures.  I like it because I think it best expresses my personality.  I’m silly, and a little weird.  I can’t just have a mirror selfie or a picture with a group of friends.  I’m also wearing an oversized sweatshirt that I borrowed from my mom.  The picture was taken in my friend’s basement while we were goofing around with an exercise ball.  There’s another from the same night that is just a picture of my nose, but that might be less flattering.  Anyways, I don’t consider it to be a “sexy” picture, but I think I look decent in it, and I’m smiling, which I think gives off a good impression, like that I might like people or things.

The second person who contacted me on PoF, however, felt the need to discuss it,

GetsNoHints: You better not bend ouer like that in front of the wrong person :).

Um…ew?  Don’t give me that smiley nonsense after that kind of message, dude.

Me: I think you just nominated yourself as the wrong person. Way to be creepy, and think that it counts as flirtation.

GetsNoHints: Well I am joking. I think you nominated yourself. No sense of humor. I can assure you I am not creepy. That is no how I flirt. I would write a poem instead.

Has anyone ever uttered the words “I am not creepy”…who is not creepy?  Also, please, god, don’t write me a poem. 

Me: Yeah, totally not creepy assuming that a picture of me doing something fun is something sexual. That’s a pretty lame joke, if it was one.

GetsNoHints: The laws of probability state for every person who does not like my joke. Some one will. What is creepy about sex. You took i tha way with your imagination. I apologize though any how.

I don’t think he understands what probability is.  Or how to use punctuation.  I would guess that, for his jokes, one in maybe every 20 people gets it.

Me: Sex on it’s own isn’t creepy, but it’s creepy to message a stranger and right away allude to it. If it wasn’t supposed to be sexual, what was the joke, then?

GetsNoHints: Would you like to staru again anew and share some friendly conversation?

Would you?

Me: Not really. You have yet to explain what the joke was that wasn’t sexual, which makes me think…that it was.

Is there some other way to read this that I’m not getting? The next day…

GetsNoHints: Did you get the message for the meaning of the joke?

Me: Nope.

GetsNoHints: How are you tonight?

What?  I didn’t get the message…is he not going to tell me, and pretend like he sent a message?  Annnnd here’s where I decide to full on mess with him.

Me: Well, my kangaroo got loose, so it’s been pretty stressful.

GetsNoHints: What kangaroo.

He really doesn’t get the subtlety of the question mark.

Me: The kangaroo that I have. What kind of question is that?

I, however, know just how to use one.

GetsNoHints: 1.) My question is to seek for knowledge and truth. 2.) It is not common to own a kangaroo and I did not want to assume. 3.) When you say what kind of question is that. It seems I am suppose to know.

Okay, if you’re going to make out one of these “I’m so logical” lists, at least use correct grammar so that I don’t assume you’re actually an idiot.

Me: I assumed that when I said “my kangaroo”, that would make it pretty clear. My mistake.

If I had said “my dog”, he never would have asked that.  Just saying.

GetsNoHints: In my opinion that in the begining of any relasionship the 2 most important things are communiction and understanding. I do not want to add to your stress.

Did the two of us start a relationship that I was unaware of? 

Me: Well, yeah, you hit on both of those with your first message. But yeah, Ollie hopped away this afternoon, and we tried to chase him down in the car, but, he just wasn’t having it. We don’t want to call animal control, but we might have to.

GetsNoHints: I apologize for my very first message. I hope you get the kamgaroo back

Okay, I’m a bit of an oddball, but at this point, even I would have asked, “WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE A KANGAROO?”

Me: He’s usually pretty well behaved. I’m not sure what got into him.

GetsNoHInts: What got into him is he is an animal and he goes on instincts.

Dude, don’t pretend like you know more about my imaginary kangaroo than I do.

Me: So are humans. And dogs. But he’s pretty well trained, and hasn’t run away before. We do live right in front of a lot of woods, so maybe something scared him.

GetsNoHints: Well I will try to be better well trained for you as well. :). So I do not scare you away.

I’ve never cringed so much to see a smiley face.  Is that what constitutes flirting these days? 

GetsNoHInts: Would you like to exchange numbers?

Well, the ? on his keyboard definitely works!

Me: No thanks.

GetsNoHints: Ok,would you like to share friendly conversation more?

No.  No I don’t.  I tried to say it politely, but you are thick.

Me: If by that do you mean would I like to make up more random stuff and convince you that it’s true?

GetsNoHints: No. I mean really talk and get to know each other.

No.  You’re creepy. I don’t respond right away, so:

GetsNoHints: Want to keep in touch?

Me: Well, then you should probably know that as a child, I had leprosy, so I have always been self conscious about my appearance.

I just can’t stop myself. 

GetsNoHInts: I like your appearance. You are a cutie pie.

Ugh.

Me: I like pie. Is that flavor some kind of berry?

GetsNoHints: No cherry. Did you really have Leprosy?

Me: Of course not. I also do not have a kangaroo.

Duh.

GetsNoHints: What will it take to have real communication and understanding?

Woe is you, PoF creeper.

Me: Talking to someone else?

GetsNoHints: I am talking with you.

Me: Nah, I’m having my own conversation, and you’re having your own conversation, so why don’t continue our conversations with ourselves separately.

And let’s be honest.  One of us is having a much more interesting conversation than the other.  It may or may not be me.  Hint: it is.

GetsNoHints: Ok snapper.

Eh?

Sometimes I wonder what makes me do this kind of stuff.  Then I remember that guys like this are creepy, and sometimes really, really dumb.  And totally deserve it.

Also, I really need a job.

 

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